Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Mental Blitzkrieg

You're not dead! You don't need barriers like coffins to tell you what to do!

Does having a conscience really make me a good person, or is it just the final barrier to break down before I forfeit my right to respect?

Some people think with their heads and others with their hearts, some with a combination of both. My heart dictates my time-to-thought allocation but it's the thought which dictates my actions. This in mind, would it be worse for me to deny my heart free reign, or to let it wreck havoc upon the lives of those who captivate it? This is where the conscience comes in.

What is it, really, this little nagging voice which lives in the pit of my stomach? That static, white noise which crackles and whispers "You little fuck up, you stupid shit" when you double-cross it, but never purrs in contentment when you obey, merely lies in wait with poison claws, feeding you "what ifs". Is it the voice of reason or is it nothing more than the Flight to your heart's Fight?

Obviously, I'm having a conflict of interest, and currently it feels like the most important decision I will ever have to make. Moral, societal, personal, and potential barriers block off every single path I can envision which leaves me suspended in this awful fog where no option feels like the definitively right thing to do.


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