Friday, July 21, 2006


We'll walk around this town like we own the streets, and stay awake through summer like we own the heat

Pre-Poland Blogging Extravaganza!

I'm currently finding it incomprehensible that in something along the lines of 48 hours I will be almost 5,000 miles away from home. I hear it's a lot like Wisconsin.
Some things that I try to pretend don't exist:
- Allergies
- 80's Music
- Responsibility
- Giant Squid

Being a grown-up would be a lot more fun if grown-ups didn't have to pay for things. I demand a trust fund, and possibly a time-share in Aruba!

While reading Dave Barry's witty quips and insights into the male mind, it suddenly dawned on me that I, like a stereotypical guy, was somewhat unaware of the fact that I am in a "relationship". I don't think I've ever actually been in a decent, real one before. I'm not even sure I know what it means to be in one. I've heard rumors about words like "give" and "take" and "making pies", but I'm sort of fumbling along as I go. Don't tell Durbin*.

Hopefully, in a month, I shall have a place of my own. If you or anyone you know would like to live with me, right on campus but not in a dorm, for $400 a month, let me know.

Nasawaym sie.

*a phrase popularized by Daniel Ramig

Saturday, July 8, 2006

Perfect world

My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent

You hear the phrase "in a perfect world..." a lot, usually prefacing some bad news, like when someone asks me for chocolate ice cream and I say "In a perfect world we could all get chocolate ice cream whenever we wanted, but here in reality we only serve vanilla. Sorry." Then when we talk about an ideal, perfect world it usually involves making sure everyone is fed and that no one notices that we have differences, and pudding is never even mentioned.

In my perfect world, the big, sad continent of Africa wouldn't even exist and I wouldn't have tummy flub no matter how much Taco Bell, cake, pudding, and Portillo's hot dogs I eat. All boys would be robots so I could turn them on and off as I pleased and when they say "I Love You" in their cute robot voices I'd know they mean it because I programmed them that way. No one would lie because we'd all be born with shock collars which would provide good conditioning and vast amounts of entertainment as we tested the boundaries. Toilets would always be manual flush, unless someone could invent them not to go off while I'm still on the can, and animals would stay the hell out of my way unless they were cute, well behaved, and non-allergenic.

Things I'm simultaneously dreading looking forward to:
-Poland Trip
-Getting an apartment
-Beginning of School

Me first!