Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Missing Pieces

Life goes easy on me, most of the time

It occurred to me the other day that I am teetering on the precipice of "The Rest Of My Life". I understand that "life", in general, cannot be planned out as effectively as I organize my days or computer files, but I am of the planning persuasion. I create plans and follow them until something interferes. Then I create a new plan based on a highly scientific pro/con list analysis to deal with the situation accordingly, and then continue on.

That said, there are certain major factors for TROML that I have to be able to plan for, at the very least in theory, right now. Career. Debt (or the elimination thereof). Buying a home. Buying a car. Getting a retirement plan. Marriage. Kids. Travel. Despite my easy-going nature, I can't just sit around and expect life to happen on a "wait and see" basis. Not having some idea of what the future may hold makes me nervous, sick, and quite frankly, outright terrified.

It's not necessary for me to have clarity and promises. I don't need to have a job lined up with a 401k, a financing plan on a new Jetta, a ring on my finger, or a relationship with a travel agent to feel okay about my future. I just need a general idea, an outline. I have some of that. I know what industry I want to work in, and thus I know where I need to be sending resumes and over letters. I know what car I want to buy, so I know how much money I need to save. I know how much I owe to the government for school, so I know what my financial situation is likely to be. I know I would like to own a house, not rent forever.

Other things, however, remain on a "wait and see" wavelength, which irks me because not only do I not have control over those particular aspects, it seems to me that I don't even have control over whether I get to know about how things might play out.

Alls I'm saying is that it's hard for me to make decisions that need making now, when I don't have all the data I need.


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