Grin and bear it

The majority of my adult life has been spent living in an apartment*--an honest-to-God shared housing situation with a lease, landlord (or lady), and adult-like neighbors who don't (often) get drunk and rowdy and knock the "exit" signs down every Friday night. Because of this, I'd like to think that I've pretty much mastered the nuances of being an apartment dweller, as opposed to a dorm dweller or a home owner, or living off my parents' largesse dweller.

I hold the door open for people whom I know live in my building, and I don't buzz in random people who are just button mashing at the front door in hopes of gaining entrance. I'm mindful of community laundry hours even though I often need to wash my clothes at 3am and I'm pretty sure my apartment is the only one bothered by laundry noises. I don't listen to my music overly loudly, and I do my annoying noise-making activities like grinding coffee beans during weekday afternoons when people are more than likely awake/not even home. I honestly have never thrown a party myself because I'm afraid of disturbing my neighbors with joviality (which might be going above and beyond expected neighborliness, but my aversion to having people not like me overpowers my desire to clean up Doritos ground into my carpet and pick up discarded beer bottles after an evening of frivolity).

I expect the same courtesies to be extended to me. I don't think that's an unfair expectation of the other grown-ass people who live in my buildings. In general, and especially in my current building, we all get along quite peacefully. I buzz in the teenage boy who habitually locks himself out, my across-the-hall neighbors kept an eye out for packages while we were on our honeymoon, upstairs Carlos and I keep an ear out for trouble. It's a pretty great gig, overall.

However.

Very little gets under my skin like blatant disregard for others. This peeve of mine translates itself in a lot of ways: rage at drivers who are too good to use their turn signals because CLEARLY they're the only one on the road that matters, glaring at litterbugs, fuming silently over people in front of me at the bank who could have gotten their act together at the little kiosk before getting in line but instead chose to wait until they were being served to go rummaging through their purse for whatever time consuming thing they're about to do.

Today's post is brought to you by angsting over whether or not to remove someone's laundry from our (only) washing machine in order to do my own. That, however, is a pretty common shared housing complaint and as long as you aren't a d-bag about it (like throwing the offending laundry on the floor instead of temporarily in your own basket) I think everyone agrees that having your laundry handled is a logical consequence of neglecting it. I'm a little annoyed, mostly at having to touch someone else's wet laundry (ick), but it reopened a deep and festering wound I have with one of my neighbors in particular.

Mr. and Mrs. Blue Cobalt--why do you insist on always taking up two parking spaces in our lot? Why?! I know it's a new car for you, but it's not, like, a Porsche. And even if it was a Porsche, do we, your neighbors, have a track record of being terrible at parking and dinging up each others' cars? As far as I can tell, all of our vehicles have been unmolested in their tenure in the back lot. Most especially, why do you do this in the spots that are closest to the building? It's winter. I'm cold. If you weren't taking up two spaces instead of one, I could have walked 15 fewer steps to get inside, and had 10 fewer seconds to fantasize about lighting your stupid car on fire to keep warm on my extended walk to the back door.

I'm constantly annoyed. I want to retaliate, but I can't think of any way to do so without stooping to their level. I could leave a note under their wiper, I suppose, but if they then choose to ignore the note and continue to park like a dick I'll just be super duper extra annoyed when I see them taking up prime parking real estate. I've contemplated parking like a jerk as well, elsewhere in the lot. Perpendicularly to the spaces, perhaps, since it seems we in this building don't care about standard parking convention and it's a free-for-all out there! I've also thought about parking next to them, also straddling a line, but that seems like it's just an open invitation for retaliation. These people don't have any concern for parking niceties, who knows what other social ills they are capable of?

This trial and tribulation is a continuous thorn in my side, but it does allow me to exercise my most powerful Apartment Dweller tool: sucking it up. Sometimes people are annoying but it is absolutely not worth escalating over. They're not really hurting me, and I really should just get over it. Much like hearing the Red Hot Chili Peppers blasting above my bedroom at 3pm, or wincing at the hoarde of teenagers in their minivan honking for 5 minutes until aforementioned teenage boy comes out, it's better to keep the peace and just roll my eyes and move on. There's no real reason to go around having uncomfortable confrontations and creating tension between neighbors, when at the moment there's only momentary tension around situations.

That doesn't mean I'm not going to keep whining about this parking thing, though.

*I suppose one year was spent in a shared house situation, but the same concept still applied as we were all employed during various hours of the day and night and had to be more conscientious of each other's time and space than in other share-houses.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc

Yes yes, it's two Latin titles in a row. You can blame Netflix for this one, having ruined my life by putting The West Wing up on instant streaming. This one is a logical fallacy, meaning "after this, therefore because of this". It seems befitting of a New Year's post. I'm making resolutions (or at the very least, new decisions) and planning my year due to the things that happened last year. I'm not sure that 2012 is in of itself responsible for how I will approach 2013, but I'm sure it did have some influence.

Here is how I signed off at the end of 2011:

I have high expectations for this year, some things I'll be verbal about and others which are too precious to be spoken aloud lest I jinx it.

Things I Hope Come To Pass In '12

-Become a manager, fo realsies

-Get out to Boston twice (once is for sissies)

-Plan the best bachelorette party in the world

-Not ruin my makeup at the Poncho Wedding Extravaganza

-Not die in an earthquake/flood/cyclone/deluge of frogs on 12/21

-My vote for Obama in November will be one for the winning side

-Buy a Jetta

Unmentionables,

Catherine

For the record, the preface and the sign-off were referring to the thoughts "I really really hope The Boy and I get engaged if not married this year please oh please oh please" frenetically tumbling around my head for the better part of the last couple months of '11. That being said:

-Frenetic, marriage-like secret hopes? Success! Got engaged on the first snow of the season (thank you, practically snowless winter) on 1/12/12 and married 8 months later.
-Get out to Boston twice? I...think I made it only once :( I'm going to blame Seester for coming to Chicago too often.
-Become a manager? Success. Fo realises? Failure.
-Best Bachelorette party? Success! Miranda seemed to have a good time.
-Not ruing my makeup at Poncho Wedding? Success! I blubbered the night before while practicing my speech, but held it together during the day itself.
-Not die? Success!
-Obama win? Success!
-Buy a Jetta? Failure. I did buy a new car for The Boy, though.

So out of 8, counting the manager thing and the car thing as .5 each, I'm 6 for 8. While accomplishing 3/4 of one's goals doesn't sound too shabby, I'm still (for no reason) in an academic mindset, and a 75% is extremely unacceptable for an A-student like myself. This is, of course, not weighting any of the assignments. I'd say getting engaged AND married counts for more than buying a Jetta, though both do require a certain amount of commitment.

I don't typically take the start of a new calendar year to review my life and make resolutions. This is largely a result of my having very little follow-through and also hating disappointing myself even more than I hate hard work. So instead of setting goals and likely not living up to them I instead make a wishlist and leave it up to luck and whatever work I feel like putting in to check things off the list. This year is different, though. I've felt compelled not only to reflect upon the last year but to also, well, be resolved to do things differently this year. Our household's resolution is to "Be Grownups" by, like, seeing a financial planner and getting life insurance and writing wills and stuff. My personal resolution(s) is based around the theme of Choosing.

I want to make better choices in 2013, overall. I've been empowered over the last couple months by various sources that life is but a series of choices, and I have the power to choose. This has settled itself into my brain in the following ways:

-Choose health.
When staring at the fridge, feeling munchy, to choose a vegetable snack instead of chips. When faced with 4 hours of free time, choosing to spend one of those at the gym. I can even still watch The West Wing on my Kindle Fire! My leisure time doesn't even have to be interrupted!
-Choose to speak up.
When someone says or does something I find objectionable (especially with regards to driving while intoxicated, as many people in my social circle do) instead of being silently uncomfortable, speaking up.
-Choose to promote myself.
When an opportunity presents itself to me re: a career, to take it instead of forgetting about it.
-Choose peace.
When someone is aggravating me (*cough* guests at Friday's *cough*), instead of treating it like a battle to be won where they realize they were wrong and I am right to instead just be nice and help them out without trying to prove a point. I've been comparing the two methods at work over the last couple weeks, and the latter is far superior. While in my mind, winning a battle of wills and holding firm that I was not the one to make a mistake feels righteous, it never feels good in practice. It usually just makes me feel like an asshole.

So, with all that said...

Things I Hope Come To Pass In '13
-Have a full time job, with benefits, that isn't bartending
-Same-sex marriage legalized in Illinois
-Take two vacations, at least one to Boston
-Be able to jog a mile in under 10 minutes without feeling like I'm going to die
-The Boy getting a full time, degree-relevant job
-Having ownership of some sort of retirement fund

Grownup Year,
Catherine

Esse quam videri

I've been accused of a lot of things in my life--being too damn pretty, knowing too many things, talking way too much, stealing a mean lady's credit card*, caring too much about Harry Potter, etc... A rude person might also accuse me of being a quitter/giver-upper, but I'd rather say that I'm naturally agreeable, and if someone tells me I can't do something then I will probably agree with them.

Being easily discouraged has been a problem for me for pretty much as long as I can remember. Some people hear the word "no" or "you can't" and their response is "oh YEAH?!" and then they go invent Facebook and become billionaires at the same age I'm sitting on the couch, eating Cheetos, moping about "what should I do with my life :(". A few examples: After a lifetime of hearing "yes" for...anything I ever applied for or wanted to do, I applied for an internship with WGN and never even got a phone call about it. This minor, minor setback convinced me it wasn't worth applying for any other internship, ever. When I was told I wasn't a good fit for the Next Media promotions department (for being a girl, as far as I could discern), I promptly stopped seeking advancement in any capacity. I think it's the other side of the "oh YEAH?!" coin--the stubborn toddler side. Tell me no? Oh YEAH? Well then I'll never do anything ever again! That'll show them!

I have a new job that I've been at for a fairly short amount of time, and there's been some growing pains. It's not a defined position, so I have no clear directive other than "make the bar better", and a lot of that work involves sitting, looking around, and thinking. What physical/mechanical/structural aspects are holding us back? How can we improve upon them? What are the bartenders like? What are their strengths? What are their weaknesses? What can I help them with? How can I help them with that? It's all very intangible at the moment, especially as I'm still learning about the new company and their standards and procedures. There's been a lot of quiet hours sitting at the dead bar top with a pen and notebook, scribbling ideas.

I'm new, there's a learning curve. I know this, my boss knows this and seems content with how I've been using my time, and yet I let the office assistant get inside my head yesterday. I don't know if she was intentionally being dismissive and disapproving, or if she was merely asking questions and has a blunt demeanor that I'm not used to, but regardless of intent, she shook my confidence. I walked away from that encounter wondering "what on earth am I doing?"

But no. No. Not today. I was excited about this job and felt confident about this job up until this woman planted a small, but powerful, seed of doubt in my mind. I can feel that seed struggling to take root in my brain, thoughts like "I should quit now before they waste more of their money on me" keep cropping up, but I'm trying really hard to stamp them down.

I'm not miracle worker and I'm not a robot-- I can't just show up and perfectly perform a function that I haven't been trained to do yet. The small things I've done have been met with approval, my ideas have been accepted and praised, and I'm getting to know the staff. One step at a time. I just need time to get my footing, to get comfortable, to actually feel ownership in this new place. I've been at Friday's for six years now and I've forgotten what it's like to be new at something. I just need to keep reminding myself that feeling lost is okay.

Right?


*I've never stolen anyone's credit card, no matter what that bonkers teacher might think

Four More Years of the Same

I know a lot of my friends, on all sides of the political spectrum, are feeling cynical and deflated that after all this hype, we have elected what is, more or less, four more years of the same. The same President, the same parties controlling the House and Senate, what was this all for? And I hear that, and it does seem like this election cycle could be seen as a huge waste of time.

However--with this particular election, in this particular political climate, the status quo is my beacon of light. Nothing changed--and for that, a suffocating fear that had been gripping my heart over the previous 48 hours evaporated.

I know so many Americans are probably feeling the opposite, a sense of dread as they worry about their future. Will their mortgage ever get out from being underwater? Will they find a job? Will they lose their job? How are they ever going to pay for college? I understand these fears, I have them myself. I do, however, know that both parties want America to be better again. No one likes our struggling economy, everyone wants to get up and out, and I honestly don't think either party knows how to fix it.

But while I, too, am nervous about my economic future, what I am NOT is worried about my status as an equal in this nation as a woman, or the status of the LGBTQ identified Americans for whom I am an ally.

This current incarnation of the Republican party scares me to death. If I woke up today to an incoming Republican President and a Republican controlled Senate, I would have panicked. I would have panicked that my rights as a woman would be stripped away one legislative repeal at a time. I would've panicked that Roe v. Wade would be overturned, and that any choice I had regarding pregnancy would be taken from me. Would I be forced to carry a non-viable fetus to term, with abortions outlawed? I would've panicked that my access to birth control would be taken away, making actually planning a family when Alex and I are financially stable a crap shoot. I would've panicked that, once the Affordable Heath Care Act was repealed, that my asthma, ever worsening scoliosis, and multitude of allergies would disqualify me for the very medical treatment I need when prospective providers reject my preexisting conditions.

I would've panicked that my gay friends, who have just barely begun to taste the security and privilege of the protections of legal marriage, would lose it all in one shattering swoop. I would've panicked that transgender Americans, still so marginalized and finally getting noticed by our government as people in need of protection, would be cast back into the dark and dangerous world of non-recognition and bigotry.

What the Republican party was campaigning on this year was a total stripping away of basic human rights and decency, and that scared me to death. So yes, we have four more years of the same, but it is four more years of tolerance and progression to an equal, kind, and egalitarian nation.

God knows, we're worth it

I highly recommend hitting "play" for this song before continuing on.

Our wedding, as seen through a photo lens
The great photography is (c) Shane Welch Weddings, whom I cannot recommend highly enough. 

All the blurry ones and ones from dancing and beyond are from friends.

And then they took a cab home and lived happily ever after.

I'm still looking up

So much to talk about.

Amazing photography from Shane Welch

I'm married; the wedding was awesome, everyone was awesome, the food was awesome, my dad's men's choir was awesome, the fact that someone was always there dancing with me even though I just had an iPod for music was awesome, The Boy was awesome, my sister was awesome, Poncho and Mr. Poncho were especially and epically awesome, the staff at Meson Sabika was awesome. I'm still kind of floating on a cloud of awesome.

Honeymoon was Las Vegas. It was very hot and dry, I actually missed humidity. Sleeping however long we wanted was amazing. Being together 24/7 didn't get annoying. The pool at TI was stupid. We saw a guy get stopped by a bike cop for jaywalking on Fremont St. Cirque du Soleil O was mind-blowing. Penn and Teller were pretty funny. We saw some sharks and they were okay, but the big sea turtle was better. We walked pretty much everywhere which was kind of a mistake. The Friday's at Gold Coast blows, but they did have a lot more food. We doubled our gambling money. Being able to drink while walking down the sidewalk was great.

First day back in "real life" was bar champs, where I took second place, which is the best place because that means I don't have to do it again for another year. We still don't have enough bartenders to cover shifts for a full week, so things are as stressy as before.

Living with a boy is different, but fine. We made dinner together last night. He hogs the bed. I'm still messy despite thinking I'd be better at picking up after myself with another human being's comfort to worry about.

I'm happy. Nervous about trying to come up with a sort of "married life" routine since "lol whatever" has been my living-alone M.O. Something more eloquent to come later.

"She doesn't even go here!"

Not that I've ever been a nominee for any sort of superlative, but if I were to be, I can fairly accurately predict that my superlative would be "most likely to randomly snap and kill us all."

Let me explain: I say this because I've had at least half a dozen people suggest this about me, not because I think it's true. If I were to ever snap it would probably just involve a bunch of yelling and dramatic hand gestures--perhaps I'd finally live my dream of tossing a martini into someone's face--but I think climbing up the water tower with an AK47 is a bit of hyperbole on my peers' part. This perception of me has never really bothered me, if only because it's not necessarily inaccurate. In general I'm a pretty chill chick, and yet deep down, like, WAY deep down, I care deeply about a lot of things. I just take great pains to appear as if I don't care about much. So I understand where this impression comes from

A hostess at work recently accused me of being "like...REALLY green" after I explained my hanging onto a cell phone I hated because people die in the Congo for the minerals that make them. My gut instinct was to protest, but this lady clearly doth protested too much, because my response went something like this: "What! Nuh uh! Pffft. I mean, yeah, I care about the plight of civilians in the Democratic Republic of Congo who are impacted by the warlords and militias who control the cobalt and tantalum mines. And sure, I recycle...like my apartment doesn't have a recycling dumpster so I have to drive to Naperville's recycling center to make sure my stuff gets recycled. But I mean...you know you're supposed to take the caps off your water bottles before you throw them into a bin, right? Otherwise they can't compress and they take up more space in the landfill or explode under pressure in a recycling bin..."

I trailed off at that point because the look on the hostess' face was a combination of glazed over, smug "I told you so", and looking frantically for the nearest exit.

The thing is... I really do care about minimizing my impact on the earth, and I really do care about spreading the word about our electronics re: the situation in the Congo. It blows my mind that things like our cell phones, laptops, iPods, and tablets are almost considered disposable, especially our cell phones. Jessica, over at her blog (Faith Permeating Life), challenged readers to consider the difference between merely "raising awareness" and "taking action", and cell phone waste is my "pet" cause. While I do care about the pointless waste of water bottles, the increasing restrictions on women's rights in the US, that Haiti is still far from being rebuilt after their earthquake, that the trade embargo on Cuba is patently unfair, that homosexuality and the life and dignity of the humans who express it is even up for debate, I take the time and effort to try to educate people on their technology. Your micro devices are made from coltan. Coltan comes from the Congo. Warlords run the coltan mines in the Congo. Still. After 10 years of this issue being brought to the international stage. Warlords rape women, kill men, force children into labor, and threaten all of the above against the people who live in the villages with the mines if they don't cooperate. Every cell phone uses coltan and no manufacturer can promise their coltan doesn't originate from a warlord.

Is this our fault? Of course not. Should we feel badly about wanting and using cell phones and laptops? Surely not. But I do think we should make informed choices. Does your cell phone still work? Keep using it. I personally find it irresponsible to purchase a new device every time my inclinations change; I don't want to increase demand for products that are actively harming human life.

 And this is what I try to impart to people: use your cell phone for as long as you can. Think twice, or three times about replacing it. And for the love of God--recycle it when you're done. I usually stay very quiet about this topic until something provokes it, and then you get a passionate rendition of my nationally ranked persuasive speech from '07.

/soapbox

I could have also written this post in the vein that deep down inside I care very deeply about my upcoming wedding and marriage, but try very hard to stay quiet about it until provoked.