Monday, January 30, 2006

I, Robot

Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops

If that's not an emo lyric, I don't know what is.

Sometimes I do things without thinking them through all the way, and then later I wish I could take it back. That's the beauty of the internet, because of it's many vices and virtues, it almost always comes with a "back" and "reload" button.

Have you ever felt like a robot? You realize one day you're just going through the motions: wake up, check e-mail, go to school, be attentive, be social, be happy, go to work, be productive, go home, waste time, go to sleep, do it again. It's not so much the routine, but the fact that you don't know why you're doing it. It's as if at one point, probably years and years ago, someone wound up that key in the middle of your back and sent you toddering off. 6am run wake-up program. 9am run school program.

Robot life isn't bad, per sey, it's just disquieting not to know what end you are headed towards. It's one thing not to know what you want out of life, and it is something else entirely when you are on a path and you aren't sure how you got there, or what you're doing.

This is why when something new comes into your life you do a Lenny and love it so much that it ends up with a broken neck. Perhaps you think it will save you from the plesant monotony of your simulated life, or maybe you actually think it is what will give you purpose and direction. Your enthusiasm for something, anything out of the ordinary ends up killing it out of sheer exuberance.

Or maybe that's just me.


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